The Realest Niggas In Movie History Vol. 19 - Gator
Movie: The Other Guys
“There is a darkness inside of me, it wants to get out and walk around, and it wants some walking around money”
Here is a man who tried his hardest to conform to society’s rules by getting a stable career, a wife, and a nice house…… all while burying who he truly was inside. On the outside was Allen Gamble, but deep inside was a pimp named Gator who wanted nothing more than to have hoes put ten toes to the pavement and get his fucking money.
Real Nigga Rundown
1. Simultaneously ran a prostitution ring and got a college degree at the same time.
2. Demanded his bitches be using jimmies, successfully lowering national STD infection rates.
3. Never been about playing no shit.
4. Nutted inside Eva Mendez and then denied the baby was his.
5. Got his job back by charging into his bosses office and saying, “Gator needs his gat you punk ass bitch”
Previously on RNIMH….
18. Anton Chigurh
17. Tony Montana
16. Jules Winnfield
15. Walt Kowalski
14. Willie
13. Lil Ze
12. Chaka Luther King
11. Esther
10. Cleo
9. Rorschach
8. The Bear Jew
7. Miss Sofia
6. Bryan Mills
5. Nino Brown
4. The Guy On The Couch
3. O-Dog
2. Pai Mei
1. Principal Joe Clark
The Realest Niggas In Movie History Vol. 18 - Anton Chigurh
Movie: No Country For Old Men
“What’s the most you ever lost on a coin toss?”
This man had absolutely no regard for human life, he kills people without compassion like humans who step on ants in the driveway. Did his victims do anything wrong? Doesn’t matter. Did they deserve to die? Doesn’t matter. This dude roamed the earth like a grim reaper in the flesh. I honestly think he’s the most psychotic person in this series so far.
Real Nigga Rundown
1. Preferred to kill people with a captive bolt pistol, which is pretty much the most gangster ass weapon in history. Waka Focka Flame copied this in the video for “Bustin’ At Em”. Anton influenced hood culture.
2. The sound-suppressed Remington 11-87 semiautomatic shotgun. Wow.
3. Took a vicious gunshot to the leg and instead of going to the hospital, he blew up a car to distract pharmacy workers, stole meds, and fixed his wound himself in a hotel room.
4. Even after his rival died, Anton went and killed this guy’s innocent wife for no reason whatsoever.
5. Walked away from a serious car crash with a bone sticking out of his arm, and gave not a single fuck.
Previous RNIMHs
17. Tony Montana
16. Jules Winnfield
15. Walt Kowalski
14. Willie
13. Lil Ze
12. Chaka Luther King
11. Esther
10. Cleo
9. Rorschach
8. The Bear Jew
7. Miss Sofia
6. Bryan Mills
5. Nino Brown
4. The Guy On The Couch
3. O-Dog
2. Pai Mei
1. Principal Joe Clark
The Realest Niggas In Movie History Vol. 17 - Tony Montana
Movie: Scarface
“I never fucked anybody over in my life didn’t have it coming to them. You got that? All I have in this world is my balls and my word and I don’t break them for no one.”
You know why I fucked with Tony? Because even though he was the head of a criminal organization and could easily have his underlings carry out tasks…. he did all of his own dirty work. What crime boss can you find rolling DOLO in the club? When someone needed to die, he made sure it was done himself.
When he knew he was about to die, be buried his entire face in a mount of cocaine and then felt on his dead sisters titties. The camera didn’t show that but we know he did it.
Real Nigga Rundown:
1. Shanked a guy in refugee camp to get his green card.
2. Blew an assassin’s head off in broad daylight to save the kids
3. Killed his best friend for fucking his sister
4. Had one of the best death scenes in movie history. He went out like boss.
5. Despite being a fictional character, he is responsible for the delusion and subsequent jailing/murder of thousands of black men in real life.
Previous RNIMH’s
16. Jules Winnfield
15. Walt Kowalski
14. Willie
13. Lil Ze
12. Chaka Luther King
11. Esther
10. Cleo
9. Rorschach
8. The Bear Jew
7. Miss Sofia
6. Bryan Mills
5. Nino Brown
4. The Guy On The Couch
3. O-Dog
2. Pai Mei
1. Principal Joe Clark
The Realest Niggas In Movie History Vol. 16 - Jules Winnfield
Movie: Pulp Fiction
“Oh! You ready to blow? Well, I’m a mushroom-cloud-layin’ motherfucker, motherfucker”
Is there another movie character in history that dropped more quotable lines than Jules Winfield? Everything that came out of this dude’s mouth was gold, and on top of that he didn’t hesitate to pop a cap in someone’s ass. Jules possessed a controlled surgical rage, he was violent but also very introspective with his work and placed everything in perspective.
Although he was a bad ass, he also didn’t eat meat because his girlfriend wouldn’t let him, and he allowed himself to be robbed at the end of the movie. One could look at these actions and say he made these concessions because there needed to be a yin to his yang.
Real Nigga Rundown:
1. Niggas who have never read the bible recognize Ezekiel 25:17 because of Jules Winfield. (yes I know its an altered passage)
2. Even God thought he was cool, and saved him from getting shot at point blank range.
3. Nigga had a jheri curl
4. ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER, DO YOU SPEAK IT?
5. Had a “Bad Motherfucker” wallet
Previous RNIMH’s
15. Walt Kowalski
14. Willie
13. Lil Ze
12. Chaka Luther King
11. Esther
10. Cleo
9. Rorschach
8. The Bear Jew
7. Miss Sofia
6. Bryan Mills
5. Nino Brown
4. The Guy On The Couch
3. O-Dog
2. Pei Mei
1. Principal Joe Clark
The Realest Niggas In Movie History Vol. 15 - Walt Kowalski
Movie: Gran Torino
“Ever notice how you come across somebody once in a while you shouldn’t have fucked with? That’s me.”
Never in the history of movies has racism been so funny. American society is unique from the rest of the world in the sense that we don’t respect and honor the elderly, and why should we? They’re old, smelly, forgetful, and they just get in the way.
Clint Eastwood proved that senior citizens can be productive members of society, by slapping a nigga in his mouth when they get out of line. If you simply left him alone you’d be fine, but if you stepped on his lawn he’d put a bullet in your nigger / spic / Jew / wop / chink ass and go to sleep with a smile on his face.
This nigga invented racist names I’ve never even heard of. What the fuck is a zipperhead. I was like “YOOOO I’ writing that down!!!”
Real Nigga Rundown:
1. Called people racist names to their face and gave not a single fuck.
2. Told his son to suck his dick when they tried to put him in a nursing home.
3. Committed unspeakable acts in the war.
4. Called his pastor an overeducated 27 year old virgin and told him to fuck off.
5. The most hood line in movie history: “I blow a hole in your face and then I go in the house… and I sleep like a baby. You can count on that. We used to stack fucks like you five feet high in Korea… use ya for sandbags.”
Previously on RNIMH….
14. Willie
13. Lil Ze
12. Chaka Luther King
11. Esther
10. Cleo
9. Rorschach
8. The Bear Jew
7. Miss Sofia
6. Bryan Mills
5. Nino Brown
4. The Guy On The Couch
3. O-Dog
2. Pei Mei
1. Principal Joe Clark
The Realest Niggas In Movie History Vol. 14 - Willie
Movie: Bad Santa
“You ain’t gonna shit right for a week”
Billy Bob Thornton’s portrayal of Willie aka Bad Santa was the epitome of “Not a single fuck shall be given today”. All he wanted was alcohol, money, and pussy… and he didn’t want to give any effort into getting either one of them… so he didn’t.
Real Nigga Rundown:
1. Fucked a woman in the ass in a dept. store dressing room
2. Showed up drunk for work, pissed himself, and punched a donkey in the face.
3. Only worked a few weeks out of the year. Spent the other 11 months getting wasted.
4. Befriended a lonely fat kid with the sole intentions of robbing his family.
5. Got shot 8 times by the police, survived, and managed to escape jail time.
Previous RNIMH….
13. Lil Ze
12. Chaka Luther King
11. Esther
10. Cleo
9. Rorschach
8. The Bear Jew
7. Miss Sofia
6. Bryan Mills
5. Nino Brown
4. The Guy On The Couch
3. O-Dog
2. Pei Mei
1. Principal Joe Clark
The Realest Niggas In Movie History Vol. 13 - Lil Ze
Movie: City Of God
“Where do you want to take the shot? In the hand or in the foot?”
He is easily the most sadistic person in the short history of RNIMH. Esther had the excuse of being born with a deformity that could have drove her to madness. There was nothing wrong with Lil Ze, other than the fact that he was a sociopath that started murdering people in his childhood for no good reason whatsoever.
Real Nigga Rundown:
1. Massacred a staff of hotel maids before he hit puberty
2. Killed older boys who picked on him during childhood
3. He didn’t kill his rival, instead he raped his girlfriend
4. Ran the local drug trade
5. Shot a five year old in the foot, and then made another little kid murder his friend.
Previous Editions Of RNIMH..
12. Chaka Luther King
11. Esther
10. Cleo
9. Rorschach
8. The Bear Jew
7. Miss Sofia
6. Bryan Mills
5. Nino Brown
4. The Guy On The Couch
3. O-Dog
2. Pei Mei
1. Principal Joe Clark
The Realest Niggas In Movie History Vol. 12 - Chaka Luther King
Movie: Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back
“I have more white women in my trailer than the first lifeboat on the Titanic, and they all want a part in my movie. And I got just the part for em…”
Let me explain something to y’all. Chaka Luther King only appeared in this movie for THREE MINUTES. All he needed was 180 seconds on screen and he delivered the best cameo in movie history. Chaka was a blindingly racist movie director who despised white people and sought to make their lives a living hell.
When your name is a mix of Shaka Zulu and Martin Luther King, you have to bring the muthafuckin ruckus when you walk in the building. And that’s exactly what he did.
Real Nigga Rundown:
1. Could smell white people even if he couldn’t see them
2. Originally wanted to call Sesame Street “Niggaz With Puppets”
3. Knew when white people put boogers in his coffee
4. Referred to all white people as “crackaz”
5. Had sex with white women as an act of revenge
Previous editions of RNIMH….
11. Esther
10. Cleo
9. Rorschach
8. The Bear Jew
6. Bryan Mills
5. Nino Brown
3. O-Dog
2. Pei Mei
The Realest Niggas In Movie History Vol. 11 - Esther
Movie: Orphan
“I’ll cut your hairless little prick off before you even figure out what it’s for. Do you understand me?”
There have been lots of movies in the “demented little kid” genre, but none of them were complete fucking psychos with style like little Esther. Instead of going through life and being regarded as a freak because of her growth disorder, she decided to pretend she was a child and ruin other people’s lives until she died. I can respect that.
Esther didn’t give a shit who you were, man, woman, child, servant of God… she’d slit your throat and go grab a coloring book like nothing happened.
Real Nigga Rundown:
1. Killed a nun with a hammer
2. Smothered a little boy with a pillow
3. Killed her adopted father for not having sex with her
4. Slayed a family of four and burned down the house
5. Was a horny little bitch
Previous editions of RNIMH…
10. Cleo
9.Rorschach
8. The Bear Jew
6. Bryan Mills
5. Nino Brown
3. O-Dog
2. Pei Mei